It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
