Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
