my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
