We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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