If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
