she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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