So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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