i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
birth control should be required to get into college
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
