we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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