i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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