never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
