I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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