Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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