my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
