Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
