I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
