I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
