My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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