my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
