So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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