I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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