O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
