4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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