Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
