Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
