Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
