I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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