Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
