Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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