Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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