I am full of burrito and curiosity
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
