Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
