I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
