Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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