All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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