she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
