you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
