she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i believe in u and ur pee
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
