do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
