Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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