I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
