you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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