She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
