Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
