weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
