Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
