If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
