I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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