so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
