I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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