Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
